Cancer is a terrible disease. It can strike anyone, anywhere, anytime. Even you.

Our journey started in September of 2001, when Diane got a 'flu', which she ended up in the Emergency ward for. The initial treatment was for pneumonia, but the ER doc ordered a series of x-rays to determine how bad it was and recommend a course of treatment. By the end of the year, after several docs and a couple of biopsies, it was determined that she had cancer. To be precise, it was Non Small Cell Lung Cancer - Adenocarcinoma. At the time of initial symptoms she was either at Stage II or III, and by the time treatment started, she was at Stage IV, or 'End Stage'. In Stage IV it was in her Lymphatic System, Kidneys, bones, pretty much everywhere. Her last official day of work was February 5th, 2002.

Apparently in her case this was one of those types of cancer the 'just happens' with no apparent cause or reason. The doc estimated she had developed the initial cancer as long as 10 years previously, and the originating tumour had just lain dormant for all this time. Without having any symptoms or other reason to be concerned, it was something no one would have thought to check for until the tumour 'activated' itself, possibly because of the pneumonia infection.

In May of 2002, Diane was given a prognosis of 6 - 12 months to live. Based on research I had done at the time, including the type and advancement of the cancer Diane had, a 'cure' was not an option. There was an approximately 37% chance of her living for a year (say 370/1000 patients). Out of that 370, around 2% make it to the 2 year mark. That's about 7 out of the 370. For the 3 year marker, it is estimated that less than 1% of the remaining victims survive. That is 0.07 out of 7. It's like this:

Initial cases:	1000
Year 1 Survival	370
Year 2 Survival	7.4 (so figure 7)
Year 3 Survival	.074 (that's basically 1/2000)
Year 4	Nil

By March of 2003 Diane's life expectancy was reduced to an estimated 3 - 6 months. Treatment had been going well, and any of the chemotherapy she had did not affect her too much. No one that wasn't told even knew she was sick. she had already beaten most of the odds.

In September of '03, we were told she was not looking good, and to prepare for death within 2 - 4 weeks or so. At this time, chemotherapy was halted (it wasn't doing anything) and we had to make a choice of whether or not to try a new, experimental drug, called ZD1839, or Iressa.

This was not a light decision. Iressa had been pulled from the market for other cancers due to several reasons. It had, however, been approved on a case-by-case basis for 'Compassionate/Palliative' use. It was not put on this restriction for light reasons either.

In clinical trials, Iressa had been shown to cause 'Interstitial Lung Disease' in approximately 2% of the patients using it. That doesn't sound to bad, except when you read further that the ILD typically kills within 48 hours. There was also only around a 30% or so chance that it would work at all. After some long, hard thought and a lot of study on the subject by me, Diane decided to chance it.

At the time Iressa was considered to have a median effectiveness of 7 months. When she started the treatment in September 2003 we were hoping that it would maybe at least get her through Christmas.

Monthly checkups were kept, and again she beat the odds. Iressa not only kept her alive and stayed effective through August '04, it was also responsible for even reversing some of the tumour growth! However, all things must end, and at that time the Iressa treatment was dicontinued and she was switched to a chemotherapy regimen, because the docs figured she was now well enough to withstand another round. Bad move.

This new round of chemo almost killed her. Diane's weight was cut in half, she couldn't eat for almost a month, and was sick constantly. By September she and the doc decided to stop treatment altogether and just try and give her some quality of life. She is pretty much beyond the point of statistics now, and I know the docs are watching her as more of a study case now than an actual 'patient'.

It's November 20th, 2004, and I'm writing this now because I know I won't be able to when the end comes. From this point on the additions here (Bottom of page) will be more or less updates of her condition. None of you will be reading this until she's gone, but it's important to me that the information gets down in print.

I love my wife. I always will. I met Diane in December (I think) of 1991 while working at St. Paul's Hospital. There was a group of us that were weekend staff that hung out together on breaks. The ones I remember most, that stuck together and became friends were Karen (a longtime friend of Diane's), Mike, Vijay, and myself. There were a few others that we (with the exception of Karen) hung around with during our weekday casual shifts, notably 2 Dave's, one of which was Diane's brother in law at the time.

By late 1992 Diane and her first husband Doug had split up and Diane and I were an item. They had two children, and although there were some bumps, I have grown to love them as if they were my own (although their father has remained in their lives). We had our own child in late '93, and I'm glad to say that Doug has treated him with great decency, to the point that our son calls him 'Uncle Doug'. Diane's ex-father in law was lost to cancer several years ago, and since that time there has been a growing bond between all of us, (including his mother and sister,) sort of an extended family.

Do I worry about what will happen with that relationship after Diane is gone? Yes, most definitely, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Diane and the kids would like them to finish their schooling where they started it, and I'm completely willing to continue caring for them until that time, so hopefully it will all work out.

With our friends from work, the only one we're still in regular touch with is Vijay, who's in Toronto. Mike went to California, and the 'other' Dave is, so far as I know, still working at the hospital.

Diane has touched a lot of lives, both online and off, and the greatest tribute to her that I can give is to love her, unconditionally and always, for as long as I live.

She has taught me what true love is.

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To Diane:

Be at peace my love, for when you're gone your pain will be over. You are, and always will be, my soulmate and my one true love. To love and hold, to honour and cherish. Not until death do us part, but forever after. I can't describe the pain, love and compassion I've felt for you all this time. The tears are flowing now, as they do every day that I see you in pain. It's hard for me to even type, as the keys and screen are blurry now, but every tear brings me closer to you. I would trade places with you in a heartbeat if I could, but I know that's not possible.

I cry for you every day now, whether I can show it or not. Every tear I shed is a piece of my heart, torn apart by the disease that ravages you. You are such a courageous woman, never thinking of yourself even through the anguish you have been suffering for over three years now. You will not be forgotten, and even after your death I will continue to tell your story so that you will always be remembered. I promise to bring truth to the messageboard moniker that you and I selected together for you what seems like a lifetime ago, that your death will bring as much understanding, love and courage to the world that you brought to me in life. I promise that you did not 'Die in Vain.'

Farewell, My Love.

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